1000 and one pranks' by James Potter
by VanilleSky
Summary: Hello, my name is James Potter, alias Prongs, and I am proud to introduce you to my new famous, musthave guideline book: How to get a lily Please R&R !
1. Chapter 1

Hello there! this is my second fanfic, and as I really like Harry's parents I decided to write it about Lily and James.

PLEASE REVIEW !

My fanfic starts here with Harry's vision of his parents, in Snape's memories...

**Chapter 1: Near-to-death experience**

DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS -ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL-

- Five more minutes ! The top of Professor Flitwick's head moving between the desks a short distance away.

Professor Flitwick was walking past a boy with untidy black hair... very untidy hair... He was straightening up now, putting down his quill, pulling his roll of parchment towards him so as to reread what he had written. James' eyes were hazel, he had a thin face, and his hair stuck up at the back. James yawned hugely and rumpled up hius hair, making it even messier than it had been. Then, with a glance towards Professor Flitwick, he turned inhis seat and grinned at a boy sitting four seats behind him.

Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good looking; his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of elegance that James could ever have achieved, and a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn't seem to have noticed. And two seats along from this girl... was Remus Lupin. He looked rather pale and peaky (was the full moon approaching?) James was now doodling on a bit of scarp parchment. He had drawn a Snitch and was now tracing the letters 'L.E'.

-Quills down, please! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio!_

James had hastily crossed out the LE he had been embellishing, jumped to his feet, stuffed his quill and exam paper into his bag, which he slung over his back, and stood waiting for Sirius to join him.

- Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake, Sirius said. I'll be surprised if I don't get 'Outstanding' on it at least.

-Me too, said James. He put his hand in his pocket and took out a stuggling Golden Snitch

-Where'd you get that?

-Nicked it, said James casually. He started playing with the snitch, allowing it to fly as much as a foot away before seizing it again; his reflexes were excellent. Wormtail watched him in awe.

Snape appeared on the grounds and went over the tree where the boys were sitting. He was reading his exam paper.

- All right, _Snivellus_ ?

James sent a curse at Snape, seeing as he had just put his hand in his robes. Snivellus found himself upside down in the air before he could even open his mouth.

-**Leave him alone **!

James and Sirius looked round. James's free hand immediatly jumped to his hair. It was one of the girls that had been over the lake edge. She had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders, and startlingly green almond-shaped eyes.

-'All right, Evans?' said James, and the tone of his voice was suddenly pleasant, deeper, more mature.

-Leave him alone' Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. 'What's he done to you?'

-Well, said James, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean...

-'You think you're funny. She said coldly. 'But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.'

- I will if you go out with me, Evans, said James quickly. 'Go on, go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivellus again.

- Never !

-Then I'm afraid that Snivellus will have to stay up there for the whole night...

-You let him down or I'll take points from you! I'm a prefect, Potter! YOU LET HIM DOWN NOW!

-What is it that upsets you, Evans? said James coldly. 'You in love with the greasy git?' He asked, while breaking the 'Levicorpus' Spell off. Snape fell brutely on the ground. He quickly got on his feet, and stared at James, his wand out.

- I am NOT in love with Snape, he is a Slytherin, you prat ! I am merely doing my duty as a prefect!

Snape decided to send his curse at this precise moment, as James Potter was busy talking.

- _Expelliarmus!_

James suddenly flew into the air and fell back some 10 feet away, his head first into the lake.

- I don't need your help; you filthy little mudblood, added Snape from behind Lily. He walked away to the castle.

- _Immobilis!_ exclamed Sirius suddenly. Snape froze where he stood, one foot up and his back to them. 'You jerk! what did you do!'

Sirius then run to the edge of the lake to see if James was alright. Lily and the remaining of the Marauders followed. As they came near the edge of the lake, they saw a a couple of first years watching the water and following their gaze, realizing that James was still under water. Large bubbles were poping on the flat water.

- "Where is he? Why is he still underwater? Asked Lily, her voice quite shaken.

- "Why would you care! It's your fault he was cursed ! Snivellus deserves what he gets, he is a bloody Death Eater! And you keep acting like he is an innocent 1st year needing protection! Just get lost!" Exclamed Sirius, his anger suddenly bursting out.

Lily couldn't say a word, she just stayed there, her eyes fixing the water where James had disappeared, hearing Sirius shout at her.

- "It's not her fault Prongs fell in the lake! Calm down, Padfoot!" said Remus.

Slowly the bubbles that had kept bubbling on the surface of the water stopped and the waves became flat, the water calm. No James.

The tension was becoming strangely awkward, and the grounds became all quiet, only the birds could be heard. The 2 first years started crying, and not even Sirius thought about telling them to shut up. They were too busy looking at the water. Suddenly a cry made them all jump.

- "_Accio Potter !" _shouted Lily, her wand up, her gaze blazing. Her wand started twitching and a second later, a body got out of the water up in the air.

- "Padfoot !" said Sirius, sounding worried. Remus walked nearer the water, wand up. Lily diriged her wand towards the edge and put James's body softly on the grass of the ground. His chest wasn't moving.

- "Bloody Hell ! What happened !" exclamed Sirius, Remus and Peter behind him. Lily started looking really distressed now, and was looking down at James guiltily.

- "I killed him ! Oh my God!"

But then James winked discretly at Sirius and closed his eyes again, like nothing happened. Sirius looked down twice at James and suddenly jumped up, caught the 2 first years and said:

- "Remus, Peter, come with me! We have to get Dumbledore! He's not breathing!"

But Remus and Peter looked back at Sirius stupidly and as Remus was going to reply, Sirius cut him in:

- "COME ON ! Lily, stay here and do whatever you can!"

The 3 boys left them and ran through the grounds, but Lily didn't see that they actually had stopped not so far away and were coming back, hidden by some trees.

- "Oh my god, what have I done! I didn't mean this to happen!" Lily cried. "I never thought I would one day feel so bad for you" she added softly. "Please don't die."

She looked down at James and saw a pale face and a very still body. As James was all wet, she could perfectly see all the muscular shapes of his handsome body. Tears started falling down her face and one of them fell on James's cheek, who took the opportunity to take a deep breath once more.

- "I'm sorry ! I'm so sorry!" She lowered herself across his body and put her head on his chest, crying all her despair. But then she something that made her sit upright. A heart bumping.

- "He is still alive!" She looked carefully down at his peaceful face, took a deep breath, and without warning, kissed him, giving oxygen to his lungs.

Behind the trees, the 3 boys were making their possible not to laugh too loud, but it was getting more and more difficult and their faces were all red.

As Lily was kissing James some life, she suddenly felt his lips moving slightly against her, and James started pretending to cough, to give it some reality. He breathed heavily, his eyes still closed.

- "You're alive ! Oh James you're alive! I'm so sorry!" and she hugged him tightly. James's eyes flew open, he couldn't believe it. Lily Evans was hugging him. His mouth became a wild grin, and he put slowly his arms around Lily.

- "Well I'm not. It was worth it!" he said, an evil glint in his eyes. Lily and James straightened up.

Not far away, 3 boys burst into laughing, Sirius on the ground, his body twitching, Remus leaning against a tree, his face in his hands, and Peter, looking flabbergasted, saying:

-"She just kissed him! How does he do that!"

- "What are you doing?" asked Lily, a funny look on her face; She looked shaken, and you could see that she was fighting an inside battle.

-"I'm gonna get slimy Snivellus back for that." he said, getting up, and helding his hand out to help Lily up. Without thinking, she just took it and got up too. Only, James didn't let go of her hand and she didn't even realize.

They walked towards the castle when James saw Snape, still where Sirius had frozen him.

- "Hi Sevi! So, enjoying the sun outside? What are you doing a foot up in the air?"

- "Black sent him the Immobilis charm just after he cursed you and called me a.. " Lily stopped mid sentence and she suddenly became aware that she was holding James's hand, and actually talking to him! She quickly let go of his hand and muttered an embarrassed "sorry".

- "He called you a - a you know what-! The bastard! He's going to pay for that." He put his hand in his wet school robes, luckily his wand was still there. He held it up and muttered a drying spell on himself before looking up and straight at Snape, his gaze dark and angry.

-"_Finite incantatem!"_

Snape fell on the ground and turned around.

- "Potter. I'm just telling what she is: a mudblood. She doesn't deserve to be here, the filth. One day you'll regret that you chose the wrong side."

_- "Furnunculus! _Ugly boils broke out all over Snape.

_- "Incarcerous_!" Thick ropes flew out of midair and wrapped themselves around Snape's torso and legs. And James shouted at him:

- "You Bastard! Listen to me! Never-ever-insult-Lily-again! I promise you're going to pay for what you did, _Death Eater _!"

_Levicorpus_!

Snape flew in the air. James moved his wand and trew Snape away, putting all the curses off as he grabbed Lily and left.

- "Where are these brats, now?" he muttered in his breath.

Just then, Sirius, Remus and small Peter came out of the corner, obviously they had just turned around the Astronomy tower so they could meet them as if they came from the Great Hall. They were laughing like mad, all three of them.

- "Err, so you ok James?" asked Remus.

-"Yeah I survived. How fortunate Lily saved me!"

Lily started blushing, and said:

-"Potter, I did it only because you lived a near-to-death-experience, but I won't do it again. Now, I have _important_ business to attend to, if you don't mind !"

- "But, Lily, I _do _mind! I just escaped death and you just _leave_ me here?"

- "I'm sure you'll be fine." she replied, and left.

James turned to face his friends, and started:

- "Have you seen that! She _kissed_ me and we held hand _and _she let me curse Snivelly until next month !"

- "You lucky cricket! That was a really good prank, let's just hope she'll never find out the truth! And WHAT happened down the lake? You really freaked us out!" said Sirius.

- "I don't know, something was tied to my leg and it didn't want to let go! And I heard some weird voices down there, I'm sure it was mermaids!"

- "You're kidding! Mermaids? There are mermaids in the Black Lake?"

- "No there aren't! He is just showing off for a change."

The voice was coming from behind and a pretty, dark-haired Griffindor girl came near them.

- "Hi baby ! You alright?" said Sirius immediatly, flirting.

- "So I heard Potter fell in the lake. Lily was kind of shaken when she told me. What happened?"

- "Well," started Sirius, but he was cut by James.

- "She _kissed _me ! She kissed me, Lena!"

- "She -what- ?"

- "She thought I had swallowed some water so she blew air in my mouth and I cought just to pretend and she was crying and I hugged her and then I cursed Snape because he had insulted her and cursed me into the lake and she didn't argue she let me do it and we were holding hands but she realized and let go and these idiots came and-"

- "Ok Prongs we get the idea..."

Lena had started laughing during James's little speech and she was now leaning on Sirius, laughing, her hand on her mouth, her eyes almost watering.

- "So that's why she was acting weird, and you didn't tell her you were already awake! She must have felt bad! Poor her, but why was she there at the first place?" asked Lena.

- Well, James was cursing Snape, but Lily arrived and told him to stop, so James did so and asked her out then Snivelly cursed him and he flew in the lake. So it was Lily's fault, after all."

- "Was not!" said Lena and Remus.

- "Was too!" replied Sirius almighty.

- "Whatever. Let's go, it's dinner time."

- "Lena, you look really nice today, did you know?"

- "Sirius !"

- "Let me give you this little present to show you my _deep _admiration, Lena!"

Sirius bent down, took a small spring and Transfigured it into a beautiful red rose, the petals shining magically. He smelled it, grinned with his nicest smile and gave it to his friend.

- "Thank you", she said laughing, her long dark hair shining with red reflections. Sirius looked at her, with a goofy air, and went ahead on the way to the Great Hall, and food.


	2. Gentle Push and Personnifying potion

Chapter 2: Gentle push and Personnifying Potion

A week later, Sirius and James put their head together to find a new prank. They had decided their victims would be Lena and Lily, because they were both in love with the girl, respectively.

But they didn't know that yet. All they knew was that they possessed beautiful bodies, famous pairs of legs and intelligence. And that they couldn't get them. So it was totally natural to want them, because they were the one untouchable... Anyway, Sirius was trying to find some blackmail material for Lena and Prongs was desperatly in the need of a solution to his problem: he wanted to kiss Lily again _so bad _...

They were in the common room when they heard a soft noise coming from the stairs. James turned his head slightly, just so as to the person going down wouldn't spot them. He noticed that the concerned person was coming from the boys dormitory, but also that it was a girl with long, dark hair.

He hit softly Sirius in the ribs, and showed the girl without a sound. They both stared at the girl, both hidden by the couch. She was going down very slowly, as to make the less noise she could. A light stray, coming from the moon, not full though, suddenly got caught in her face by the top window of the east side of the tower, and the boys saw her face. She was named Julie and was a 5th year Gryffindor, living in the same dormitory as Lena and Lily. But what was she doing up there at this time of the night ?

Sirius looked evilly at her, and smirking, stood up and cleared his throat, pulling James up as well.

-"Good evening, Lady Julie. May I enquire of the reason of you coming up to the boys dormitory at this late hour of this beautiful night ?' Sirius asked in a aristocratic and rather posh voice.

Julie started, and looked down in the dark common room. She spotted them, and keeping a straight face, got down the stairs and stopped in font of the bottom of the girls staircase.

-"Nothing at all, Sirius. Good night."

But James and Sirius were not to let her go so easily, so they ran up to her and caught her by the arms, leading her away from the stairs and near the couch.

-"Come on, Julie. We all know you fancy me, but I would never have thought you would come up and sneak on me during the night. Fancy to see me in nightcloth ?" Asked Sirius in a suggestive way.

-"What ! Certainly not ! I was there on a mission from.. Oh!"

But it was too late, she had let the word slip, and nothing at all would now stop the boys from bothering her to know what mission she was talking about.

-"A mission ? Someone asked you to sneak up to the boys dormitory and .. do what ?"

-"That's none of your business."

-"Julie, come on tell us, pleeeeaae !" They both wailed.

-"She would kill me !"

-"Who sent you then ?"

-"Look, I.."

But James cut in.

-"If you want to sleep tonight, you'll have to tell us because I'm not letting you go anywhere until you do."

Julie bit her lip and whispered:

-"Ok, but you have to keep it quiet, I don't want any trouble. Lena sent me."

-"Lena ! She sent you! _Shut-up_!"

-"Shh, Sirius, be quiet. Ok, and what did she want to know?" James asked her.

-"She.. she wanted to know what Sirius looked like when he was sleeping. And what he was wearing." Julie sighted.

-"God ! I knew it! She wants me! She adores me! Prongs, I knew it! But, what a naughty little girl!"

-"Thanks Julie, you really helped us. You can go now." Said James, letting go of her arm with an apologising look.

Julie stood up and left without a word.

-"This is my blackmail material, Prongs!" cried Sirius in joy ! And they went back talking on the couch, in front of a moon-lighted window.

Liked it? Hated it ? Let me know!

Just so you know I might not continue this story as I don't have many ideas, I started it so long ago... Anyway, tell me what you think, and your ideas!

Yours, VanilleSky


	3. I can smell trouble

It was 6:30 when James and Sirius both came back from Quidditch practice, soaked and cold. It had been raining for 2 days in a row now, and most students were very excited and annoyed because they couldn't go outside. The Gryffindor Quidditch captain had forced the team to practice that evening, as the last quidditch match of the season was 3 days afterwards, Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. The team had been soaked and was now in a foul temper.

- « Go away, you midget ! » shouted Sirius at a second year standing in his way. He was shaking from the cold, so was James. They threw open the door through the hole and burst in, water flying everywhere from their cloths. The changing room had been blown up by the Slytherin Team...

- « Sirius Black ! How dare you talk like that to a poor first year ? » shouted then a feminine voice, from a far corner by the fireplace. He turned arounf, and faced a red-haired Lily Evans, hands on hips. - « First, it wasn't a first year, but a second year, and he's used to it. Second, it's lovely to see you too Evans, and no I'm not too cold... » He told her, smiling, and suddenly hugged her. Lily screamed, completly soaked the moment Sirius's robes had touched hers. Her high-pitched voice filled the air, and Sirius unsuccessfully tried to cover his ears. 

- « I'm gonna kill you ! I'm dripping wet ! Now I've got to get changed ! And you go and get changed before you soak the whole common room !! » she added, as Sirius sat in a sofa.

- « Shall we go and get changed together then ? » he asked in a low and serious tone.

But James said:

- « Of course not, Padfood. She'll go with me. I can help her take her robes off, they're so large ! »

- « Why, Prongs, I can do that perfectly well ! No, I really think I should go with her and help her, you know, her skirt might be tight, I might need to undo it for her... »

- « You know what, Padfood, I think you should both go with her. You'll do the robes and I'll do the skirt. Undo, actually. »

- « And why would you get to undo the skirt and me the robes ?! It's not fair ! » James and Sirius kept arguing like that until:

- « AHHHHHHH !!!! Sirius !!! You, you ... » but Lily didn't find the words to finish, she looked from one to the other, trying to decide which one was worse, and finally screamed again and slapped Sirius in the face.

Sirius immediatly calmed down, and yelled:

- « Ouch !! I didn't need this ! You really are one, Lily !! People are right about you ! »

- « I'm a what ? » she said, surprised a bit.

- « A bitch ! » He threw at her face, and taking a grip on her arms, started shaking her violently, furious and humiliated.

- « Stop, Padfood, stop ! It's not worth it ! Come one, I've got a better plan for her ! Leave it ! » said James, and pulling Sirius away from Lily, went up the stairs leading to the boys dormitory.

Lily stayed there, staring at her wet cloths, shaken, and wondering what in the world was James's plan about her... She grumbled to herself, and while everyone in the common room lkept staring, she shook her head and left the room up to her own dormitory.

- « Look, Sirius, I know you don't like her, but I do, well, kind of. I swear it's gonna work, you've got to trust me on this ! Here's the plan...


End file.
